Children & Grief
Helping Children with Grief
Death is a natural event. Experts agree that children, even the very young, should not be shielded from the death of a loved one. Children have the capacity to recognize death as an event and the curiosity to ask questions about the event.
The general advice is to talk to the child simply and truthfully about the death, in an age-appropriate manner.
Starting the Conversation
Ask questions to determine what the child already knows about the situation. You may then explain the situation to him simply and honestly.
Helpful Things to Say
- "Grandma's heart got too tired and stopped working, so she died."
- "It's okay to feel sad. I feel sad too."
- "You can always talk to me about how you're feeling."
- "Death means their body stopped working and they can't come back."
- "It's not your fault. Nothing you did caused this."
Things to Avoid Saying
- "Grandma went to sleep and is not going to wake up." — May cause fear of sleeping
- "God took Grandma to be with the angels." — May cause fear or anger toward God
- "Grandma went on a long trip." — May cause confusion about why they didn't say goodbye
- "Be strong for mommy." — May suppress natural grieving process
Important Note
It is important to avoid giving answers that may confuse or frighten the child. While these phrases are meant to comfort and soothe, the child may actually interpret them in a far more literal sense. For example, the child might develop a fear of going to sleep because the same thing might happen to him.